Getting to know your family better helps to improve relationships with one another. SHKP Club interviewed 545 Hong Kong people aged 18 and above over the phone to discover what words and acts people most want to hear or see from their family members during their daily lives. The results of the interviews were tabulated to formulate a list of Dos and Don'ts to help people improve their communication skills with family members.
In the survey, we organised the results based on four different roles within a family: husband, wife, parent and child to discover 80 sayings that they most want/ do not want to hear; 80 acts that they most want/ do not want other family members to engage in; and the top three sayings or acts that Hong Kong people most want from each category.
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What parents most want to hear from their children
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What parents most want their children to do
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| I'll work hard, Mum and Dad | 43% | To be a hard-working and serious person |
52% |
| I miss you, I love you | 35% | To become a person of good character |
46% |
| I've grown up. There's no need to worry anymore | 31% | To be a person that can contribute to society |
40% |
| Thanks for your care and guidance | 30% | Show respect and care for parents | 25% |
| I will take care of you when I grow up | 26% | Things that make them happy | 23% |
| I love this family | 25% | Persevere | 22% |
| I am leading an interesting, happy life | 22% | Reflect on and learn from their mistakes | 16% |
| Sorry, I know I made a mistake | 13% | Have dinner with the whole family | 11% |
| Thanks for your hard work | 12% | Spend more time with their parents | 10% |
| We will come home for dinner more often | 9% | Give their parents hugs and kisses everyday | 7% |
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What parents most want to hear from their children
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What parents do not want their children to do most
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| You're really irritating, stop interfering so much | 53% | Breaking the law |
63% |
| You're really bad, I hate you so much! | 31% | Weak-willed, negative attitude and giving up easily |
48% |
| You're not good enough to be my parent | 29% | Showing no respect for others, putting on an angry face constantly and ignoring the presence of others |
42% |
| I have no purpose in life | 24% | Give up on themselves | 25% |
| Speaking foul language | 23% | Spend too much money | 20% |
| I don't want to listen to you | 22% | Lie | 18% |
| I don't want to talk to you | 21% | Not listen to their parents | 11% |
| I don't think it was my fault | 16% | Be lazy and take shortcuts | 10% |
| I should just give up | 8% | Have conflict with their siblings | 9% |
| I've had enough | 7% | Be timid | 7% |
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What children most want to hear from their parents
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What children most want their parents to do
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| Don't worry about it. You've tried your best and that's good enough. | 45% | Exercising more and eating healthy food | 52% |
| Don't worry. I'm very well. | 34% | Taking things easier and being more optimistic | 50% |
| I support you! Go, go, go! | 30% | Taking care of themselves and not working too hard | 30% |
| Pay attention to whatever you do | 30% | Control their temper | 25% |
| I trust what you do | 28% | Care and love themselves more | 23% |
| You make me proud | 23% | Not compare me to others | 21% |
| Is your work/study hard? | 19% | Support, encourage and recognize me | 17% |
| Do not wear yourself out with study/work? | 15% | Have meals with the whole family | 14% |
| Great job | 14% | Travel together | 12% |
| I care about you most | 8% | Give me more praise | 5% |
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What children do not want to hear most from their parents
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What children do not want their parents to do most
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| You're useless | 38% | Thinking negatively and obsessing to no end | 48% |
| You're not good enough to be my child | 34% | Not taking care of their own health | 35% |
| Get lost! Don't come back! | 30% | Being long-winded | 32% |
| Someone's child has a job that offers good salary | 29% | Show temper | 32% |
| Are you an idiot? | 22% | Quarrel or fight | 26% |
| Forget it, you should just give up | 21% | Mock, degrade or ridicule me | 17% |
| You think you are still a kid? | 18% | Scold me in front of others | 17% |
| Leave me alone and mind your own business | 18% | Work too hard or wear themselves out | 16% |
| You are doing me a disservice | 15% | Stick to a diet high in oil, sugar and salt | 15% |
| Your wife/husband has gone too far | 13% | Worry too much about their children and ignore their own needs | 14% |
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What husbands most want to hear from their wives
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What husbands most want their wives to do
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| Thank you for all your hard work taking care of the family, Hubby | 41% | Not being calculative | 40% |
| Don't give yourself too much pressure. Take care of your health | 39% | Being considerate | 38% |
| I am very happy and fortunate to be with you | 35% | Taking criticisms in good stride | 30% |
| I will always support and love you no matter what happens | 27% | Be sensible, presentable and have a good manner | 27% |
| You don't have to explain, I trust you | 26% | Support and encourage me | 26% |
| I love you | 21% | Take good care of the family | 22% |
| You are always the best | 19% | Care about and get along with their parents | 19% |
| Today I've cooked your favourite dishes | 11% | Cook my favourite dishes every night | 18% |
| I feel safe having you around | 10% | Listen attentively to me | 13% |
| You have a great sense of humour | 10% | Travel with me | 11% |
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What husbands do not want to hear most from their wives
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What husbands do not want their wives to do most
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| You're useless! | 55% | Showing temper | 45% |
| You're so irritating. I can't stand you! | 36% | Being unreasonable | 41% |
| You think you're always right | 24% | Spending lavishly and splurging money | 28% |
| Do you understand? | 18% | Throw a wet blanket on everything | 26% |
| Do you love me? | 18% | Be self-centred and not listen to anyone | 23% |
| I've been trying to reach you the whole day, where have you been? | 17% | Be controlling and doubtful and ask too many questions | 23% |
| What did you mean by that? | 17% | Nag and talk too much | 23% |
| Your family is very annoying | 16% | Get home late and not look after the family | 9% |
| You are fat | 15% | Go through my mobile phone | 9% |
| Forget about me if you only want your mum | 7% | Spend too much time playing mahjong | 4% |
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What wives most want to hear from their husbands
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What wives most want their husbands to do
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| I will never leave you in times of trouble and will be by your side till we're old | 37% | Placing the family as their first priority | 42% |
| You are the best thing that happened to me in my life | 30% | Taking initiative in helping with household chores | 42% |
| Thank you, darling | 27% | Exercising more | 30% |
| I love you, honey | 27% | Travel with me | 27% |
| You are the smartest, my darling | 24% | Spend 10 minutes every night to have a heart-to-heart chat | 23% |
| Thanks for your hard work | 23% | Give me surprises like when we were still dating | 20% |
| Darling, the dishes you prepared are so delicious | 22% | Spend time with me | 18% |
| How was your day? Did everything go well? | 20% | Kiss me every day | 9% |
| I missed you so much | 14% | Cook a wonderful dinner | 7% |
| You are so beautiful | 12% | Give a big hug when I return home from work | 6% |
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What wives do not want to hear most from their husbands
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What wives do not want their husbands to do most
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| You're so annoying, always repeating everything you say, how can I live with you | 50% | Getting involved in extramarital affairs | 43% |
| I don't love you anymore | 32% | Showing temper | 37% |
| You're so stupid and useless | 28% | Keeping everything to himself without sharing and communicating! | 36% |
| I still don't get it, oh whatever | 25% | Not be honest, hide things | 21% |
| I am busy, talk to you later | 24% | Ignore others' feelings, only do what they want | 19% |
| Sorry I did something bad | 18% | Be addicted to their mobile phones | 19% |
| Honey it seems that you put on weight | 17% | Lie | 19% |
| You should not have done that | 11% | Smoke and drink | 17% |
| I really don't understand my better half | 10% | Only caring about sleeping | 12% |
| You are poorly dressed today | 10% | Spend more time at work than at home | 7% |
We discovered through the survey that families in Hong Kong value healthy living and inner values, recognition and support from family members, as well as spending time together as a family.
Survey respondents stated that they most wanted to see their parents "exercising more and eating healthy food" and "taking things easier and being more optimistic". Wives mostly do not want to see their husbands "smoking and drinking". These responses show that Hong Kong people are concerned about the health of family members and wish that they would change their lifestyle habits and quality of life in order to be in good physical and spiritual health.
The top three things that parents most want to see of their children adopt is a positive attitude towards life and morals, e.g. "to become a person of good character" and "to be a person that can contribute to society". More than 30% of parents surveyed wished to hear their children say things like "I've grown up. There's no need to worry anymore." They do not want their children to deal and interact with people by "showing no respect for others, putting on an angry face constantly and ignoring the presence of others". They wish that their children would become grown-up sooner.
"Thank you for all your hard work taking care of the family, Hubby" and "Don't give yourself too much pressure. Take care of your health" and "I am very happy and fortunate to be with you" were responses from close to 40% of husbands who indicated that these sentiments were what they would most like to hear from their wives. This indicates just how much husbands want their wives to recognise their efforts and abilities. Close to 50% of children wished to hear their parents say: "Don't worry about it. You've tried your best and that's good enough." The children craved support and encouragement from their parents.
Close to 40% of wives wished for commitment from their husbands, as can be seen in what they would like to hear from their husbands. "I will never leave you in times of trouble and will be by your side till we're old", as well as their actions like "Placing the family as their first priority" and "Taking initiative in helping with household chores". Generally, wives do not want to be neglected and wished for their husbands to spend more time with them, with a common goal being "Spending 10 minutes every night to have a heart-to-heart chat".
Hong Kong people enjoy spending time with their families.According to the survey's findings, travelling and meals are important activities, allowing families to spend time with one another, e.g. husbands, wives and children all wish to go with their family on trips, both husbands and wives wish for their partners to prepare delicious food for them and parents wish for "the whole family to have meals together". A meal nourishes one's body and at the same time, nourishes the relationships between family members.