The SHKP Club recently conducted a telephone survey on Hong Kong family life, interviewing over 500 people aged 15 or over to understand when people need family support and what kind of behaviour, remarks and attitudes help foster family ties. The survey was meant to be shared with the public to encourage mutual family support and build a harmonious society.
The survey showed that two-way communication is important when discussing significant matters or during regular interaction. The findings about things like what encouragement people want to hear from their family, things that they understand or don't about family members, solutions for family disputes and more. You may learn when and how to provide support for your family to build closer relationships.
The three occasions when family support is most needed are changes in health (45%), to make important decisions or changes (almost 30%) and when life is stressful (20%). Offering words of encouragement, keeping company for doctor's consultation or listening attentively (37%) are considered to be the most effective way to give support. Tell your family members "not to stress yourself out and take care of your health" or "no matter what problem you have, we'll resolve it together" when they need encouragement. You can make them feel cared for and have peace of mind.
Changes in mental and physical health (eg illness) |
45% |
Making important decision or undergoing changes (eg pregnancy, getting married, emigrating, considering surgery or medical treatment) |
29% |
When life is stressful (eg at work or school) |
20% |
Bereavement |
18% |
Feeling down |
18% |
Don't stress yourself out, take care of your health |
36% |
No matter what problem you have, we'll resolve it together |
35% |
Never mind, trying your best is good enough |
26% |
Whatever decision you make, I will be by your side! |
25% |
Believe in yourself! |
25% |
Mutual understanding is key to a harmonious relationship. Lifestyle, diet references/dressing style and character and orientation can be learnt through observation, but it is quite tricky to understand emotions (30%). Communication is not limited to spoken words. Body language and facial expressions can send a lot of messages. Pay attention to non-verbal messages, for example when children look tense or become quiet than usual before exams, they might be worried.
Lifestyle |
43% |
Mood |
30% |
Dietary preference/Dressing style |
36% |
Financial status |
27% |
Character and orientation |
32% |
Values in life |
20% |
Health condition |
31% |
Goals and aspirations |
19% |
Attitude toward life |
19% |
Work condition |
17% |
How to resolve family disputes? Almost 50% interviewees chose 'resolve with a peaceful, composed state of mind' (48%). Close to 40% chose 'compromise and empathize' and 'listen to the other party's views, analyse the cause of the dispute and find a solution'. Harmonious ways of problem-solving were most popular. Petty retaliation only damages emotional ties. When there are disagreements among family members, try to think calmly and look at things from the other person's standpoint.
Resolve with a peaceful, composed state of mind |
48% |
Compromise and empathize |
36% |
Listen to the other party's views, analyse the cause of the dispute and find a solution |
35% |
Focus on facts rather than individuals; no personal attacks |
27% |
Say what you feel calmly |
25% |
Chinese people tend to be emotionally reserved, but they still want family members to show they care. The survey showed that 'ask about / show concern for family members' (16%) makes people feel supported. An expert says that daily exchanges among family members are mostly about trifles, such as 'I'm tired' and 'I lost my appetite'. You can show you are paying attention by extending the conversation, asking 'Why are you so tired?' This allows your family member to say more. People should show care at appropriate times. For example, when a family member has just arrived home, don't keep asking questions like 'why did you work late tonight? It is better to express care in leisure time, for instance when watching television at night or dining on weekends.
Ask about/Show concern for family members |
16% |
Oppose family members' views |
14% |
Keep me company |
13% |
Ignore me/Be uncommunicative |
13% |
Give me financial support |
12% |
Thinking of being forced to pay for the care of parents or grandparents |
10% |
Dine together |
10% |
Buying things that I oppose |
9% |
Receive support |
8% |
Conflicts/scolding |
7% |
Encouraging remarks are most popular. The survey shows that remarks like 'I support you', 'keep going' and 'well done' make one feel supported (41%). Some 53% of people living with their parents appreciate these remarks. On the other hand, 'verbal/gestural expressions of objection' (38%) such as 'I disagree' and 'don't sleep all the time', or 'expressing different opinions from family members/explaining reason for objection' (10%) make people feel unsupported. Experts say that 'empathizing/putting oneself in the others' shoes' helps mutual relationships. People should put themselves in the other person's place to realize his/her mental state and give positive remarks to show affection to family members. Parents should give more positive and encouraging remarks to their children and avoid saying 'no' right away. 'Your insight is really great!' and 'you can do it' are remarks that help bolster children's confidence and allow them to face different challenges.
Encouraging remarks (well done, you are capable of doing it) |
41% |
Verbal or direct expression of objection |
38% |
Words of concern (be careful, watch what you eat) |
14% |
Expressing different opinions with family members/ Explaining reason for objection |
10% |
Casual chat (Chat about all sort of things / tell recent situation) |
8% |
Blaming family members |
10% |
Giving comfort and confidence/words of consolation |
7% |
Negative manner, give someone the cold shoulder |
7% |
Explain something I am interested in |
4% |
Bitter sarcasm |
7% |