SHKP Club organized a Loving Family Tips seminar on 10 November with family education expert Shirley Loo and EQ (Emotional Quotient) training consultant Charles Yu talking about children, EQ education and communication. The talk was popular and well received by members.
Ms Loo said that over protection and spoiling as a result of today's material affluence shapes unfavorable personality traits. She said children can be categorized into four types - listener, observer, active and integrated - and that each type requires a different approach to parenting. All-round development is also important. Academic achievement should not be the only focus of parenting; children should learn values and to live positively. Parents should also appreciate their children's different talents and communicate with them if they want their children to be well-adjusted, loving adults.
"Empathy" is important for good communication. Ms Loo said: "I remember taking my daughter to see the lighting displays when she was very young. While I was talking about how marvelous the lights, she pulled my clothes and asked me to kneel down. She told me she couldn't see any lights, just but people's legs and backs. This reminds me to be empathetic with children." She added that a few words of praise are far more effective encouragement than constant lectures.
Ms Loo said that there were techniques for offering appreciation and encouragement; it should be honest, clear and to the point to give children the right message. Real encouragement gives children a positive attitude in a way that monetary rewards cannot. Openly praising is also effective. A positive home environment and physical contact like small hugs help family harmony. Children need discipline, of course, but Ms Loo says that parents should avoid damaging the child's self esteem and act as good role models.
Mr Yu said that parents should try building children's EQ (Emotional Quotient) to benefit their future interpersonal development. Blaming children does not build confidence or EQ. If parents start losing interest in encouraging and praising their children (which sometimes happens) Mr Yu offers the following tips:
- Balance - be nice and specific when pointing out mistakes, as this is easier for people to accept.
- Decentering - teach children to think and care about others.
- Attunement - show children to use appropriate intonation and tone when talking to others, and to be aware of the other persons' needs and expectations. Also teach them to be aware of their own emotions and react properly.
- Confidence - give children confidence and encourage them to believe that they can bring happiness to people.
- Focus - teach children to pay attention while listening to someone.
- Parents should set role models for their children and inspire them to care for others.
Mr Yu related a story about an enthusiastic cheerleader he met at a school who encouraged every athlete passing by and motivated other students to join the cheering. He said that this is the sort of attitude that parents need when dealing with their children.
- I learned that good EQ can help build family relationships.
- I learned that we cannot over generalize or believe that every child will pay attention to studies. We must respect their individual qualities.
